For the last two weeks our editorial board has been sitting down with locally elected office holders and the people who want to replace them. All were vying for our very important endorsement.

There were many new faces this year and more than a few old ones.

And because I don’t want all those interviews to be a waste of my time, welcome to The First Annual Parade of Candidates Awards.

So without further ado, the envelopes please.

In the category of ...

Candidate with the Least Chance of Winning, the nominees are: Democrat Ian Thomas, running against state Rep. Tom Killion, R-168, of Middletown; Republican Kamalah Brown, running against state Rep. Robert Donatucci, D-185, of Philadelphia; Republican Tom Deitman, running against state Rep. Thaddeus Kirkland, D-159, of Chester: and Democrat Kevin Lee, running against state Rep. Nick Micozzie, R-163, of Upper Darby.

And the winner (I mean loser) is: Brown, who just nips Deitman with zero percent chance of winning.

Candidate Most Easily Angered by a Question — Incumbent U.S. Rep. Joe Sestak, D-7, of Edgmont. When asked, “Where do you live?” he responded, “I own a house in Edgmont.” Yes, came the follow-up, “but do you live in that house?” Sestak’s terse reply, “I LIVE in Edgmont,
SIR!” (To his credit, Joe apologized later for getting “testy.”)

Candidate Most Outraged by Opponent’s Spinning of His Record — State Rep. Daylin Leach, a Democrat running for the 17th District state Senate seat being vacated by Democrat Connie Williams, at GOP opponent Lance Rogers, for Rogers’ claiming Leach wanted to make it easier
for drug users to evade punishment for driving under the influence. A Rogers’ mailing that featured an overturned school bus presumably smashed into by some coke-headed friend of Leach’s had him spluttering at the unfairness of it all.

“My kids’ teachers get this,” he carped.

Most Outrageous Spin of an Opponent’s Record: Rogers.

Most Showily Depressed by the Lack of Bipartisanship in Harrisburg or Washington: The nominees are: state Rep. Bryan Lentz, D-161, of Swarthmore, Micozzie, and Sestak. And the winner is ... Lentz.

“What is the month we’re allowed to work together?” he moaned.

Most Poignant Story Told by a Candidate:

Kirkland and his informal adoption of a disruptive fatherless boy he helped turn around.

“I told his mother, ‘Your son is my son now.’”

Best Question Posed by a Candidate to a School Official: Kirkland to Chester schools Superintendent Greg Thornton: “Is school out? Because if it’s not, why am I seeing seven kids walking down the street with their pants halfway down their behinds?”

Strangest Claim by a Candidate: Kirkland, who said that when Chester High School was built, it was literally “built to fail” because it looks like a prison and is in a flood plain. Take the same building, put it in a flood plain in Iowa and watch the kids do fine.

Most Impressive Newcomer: Democrat Tom Quinn. The history teacher turned stay-at-home dad turned candidate is running against veteran state Rep. Bill Adolph, R-165, of Springfield. Quinn is smart, knows the issues and doesn’t make that annoying quacking sound in between
thoughts like Billy does.

Candidate Who Looks Least Like What He Does for a Living: Lansdowne’s Lee. The guy is bald and 6-foot-7. He looks like a WWF star. He’s a nurse. And running for Micozzie’s seat.

Best Candidate Nobody Ever Heard Of: Craig Williams, Republican for Congress in the 7th District. Smart, personable, articulate and tough. He’d give Sestak a run for our money if anybody could figure out who he is. (I say “our money,” because Joe sure spends a lot of it on his franking privileges — some $640,000 worth.)

Best Story about an Opponent: Steve D’Emilio, a Republican commissioner from Haverford, about state Rep. Greg Vitali dismissing his request as a township commissioner for Vitali’s help to rebuild the Old West Chester Pike Bridge. According to D’Emilio, Vitali, D-166, of Haverford, called it “The Bridge to Nowhere” and turned him down flat. So D’Emilio said he had to go to state Sen. Williams, who D’Emilio said couldn’t have been more helpful. Suddenly, Vitali calls him and wants to have another meeting. He says he can get the bridge rebuilt by PennDOT, but then it will become the township’s responsibility. D’Emilio checks with his colleagues. The township doesn’t want to be responsible for the bridge. D’Emilio tells Vitali that. Then he sees Vitali claiming on cable TV he’d spoken to D’Emilio about the bridge, but D’Emilio hadn’t gotten back to him. No wonder D’Emilio’s running. (In our interview with Vitali, which occurred first, he acted like he’d barely heard of D’Emilio.)

Snappiest Dresser: An upset! State Senate Majority Leader Dominic Pileggi, R-9, of Chester, (dark suit, blue shirt, white collar, tie) and, surprisingly, not Thaddeus, who came in tieless and in boring black and white.

Best Advice From a Candidate: “Never get diabetes,” said a hard-working and woozy D’Emilio, who did and doesn’t recommend it.

Most Popular Accoutrements: For Republicans: A flag pin. For Democrats: An Obama pin.